No, this isn't a blog about clothes, and it isn't a blog about a recipe either. This is a tale about something that bothers me about today's society: how we treat people who are different. I happen to have two boys who are different so maybe that is why I feel so strongly about this. They are different from what society considers normal. But what is normal actually?
My oldest is, as a celiac, different because he eats different. It shouldn't matter, because it's just food, but it does. To some. Especially grown ups. My sons friends are very laid back when it comes to him. To them, it's just a detail. So he eats differently. Big deal...
The parents, they just think it's scary. So he hardly gets asked to eat at a friends home, they always come to us. Because that is safe. That he feels left out, not wanted, well, that is something for me to solve. It breaks my heart sometimes, that he is excluded from things, just because certain foods make him very, very sick.
My youngest son, he is different too. He shares his brothers diet, but there is something else too. We are still figuring out what makes him different, we have an idea, but we basically need a label as to help him better. We need a bloody label as to explain why he is different and then we have to ask people not judge him on that same label. Am I still making sense?
My youngest is choatic, has the attention span of about 5.3 seconds, he is loud, never sits still, his head is in constant overdrive, and the craziest stuff can make him freak out, act out and throw the biggest almighty tantrum you've ever seen. And the worst thing of it all is that it bothers him. He knows. He feels it.
But most of all he is very funny, very sweet & loving, he is generous, he says please and thank you more than most grown ups, he is smart (he is a smart ass too ;-)) and he is very sociable and the star of every party as long as he can be his loud, cheery self. And all that gets overshadowed sometimes by something he never asked for in the first place.
And the worst is that people (seem to) judge him on it. Heck, I even do that and I'm his mom. I know where he is coming from, but I can't always get what is going on in his head and after a day full of misunderstandings and frustration from the both of us, I often think: Why can't you just be normal? And then I feel very ashamed. Because I know better, but this "normal" thing has been programmed into me too. And then I hug him tight, and I wonder & worry about how he will survive "out there". But I also know it is up to me and my husband to help him survive and very slowly, with some help we are getting there. We are understanding him better and that makes him more at ease.
But he will always have others judging him because he is happily playing with his cars in a store or a doctors office and is making loud noises while doing so. Or have people tuttutt-ing because he is in his own little safe world sometimes, where even mom & dad can't reach him unless they really, really, really make an effort. Or worse, people shaking their head because he is throwing the biggest hissy fit you've ever seen, because he has trouble explaning to us what he really wants. His head is too full to tell us, so he freaks out. It's the only way he knows how express himself at such a time.
And then there are the people who think this is funny. Who think his behaviour is cute & the struggle is funny. Well, it's not. Those moments are tough.
We are getting help, to help our son cope with what society thinks is normal, what we think of as normal, even if he can't always help himself that he does not exactly fit into that box. We are helping him adjust to the 'normal box'. But what if we all just allowed ourselves a bit understanding? What if we stretched the normal box somewhat? What if we stopped judging people on things we don't know? I know it starts somewhere, so I'm going to take a good look into the mirror and start with myself. I'm going to stretch my normal box (disclaimer: Crocs will never fit in my normal box though ;-)) so more people fit in. Will you do that with me?
Dear Wendy,
BeantwoordenVerwijderenunfortunately I can totally hear you and must confirm you are right. I'd write a whole book here but I'll leave this discussion when we meet in person. :))
Today's world is more than cruel. Though we are so self conscious, developed in every area of life and know things 100 years ago who were unknown. Still people ( ok, not all) are self turned in a rush for zillion little things and very often insensitive.
Most of people think - this is something that could not happen to me. Or: Oh, poor them.
But hey, nobody's poor here!
I think you are doing the right thing, I know ( I guess) it's awfully difficult often and you feel exhausted and alone in this world. But you know what, in the end it doesn't matter. What matters is love and understanding you as parents give them. All the time. It's something for life. And noone can ever take that away. As they grow up they will develop self esteem and surround themselves with people who understand them as you do.
And for the others, who cares.
Katja. xoxo
xoxoxo, that is all, Katja.
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